All the Exes and Love
by JenCollins1
Summary: Simple bickering over cereal leads to a heavy argument about exes that might have torn anyone else apart, but Dan and Phil can always find their way back to love and happiness. (co-written with @WordsAblaze)


_**All The Exes And Love**_

 _Simple bickering over cereal leads to a heavy argument about exes that might have torn anyone else apart, but Dan and Phil can always find their way back to love and happiness._

 _(Co-written with WordsAblaze)_

\- Can you fucking stop eating my cereal?! I've already had to buy two packs just because you always eat it all! - Dan sighed, dropping the empty boxes into the trash.

Phil gave Dan a sheepish smile. - Sorry, it just tastes so nice, it's your fault for having such good taste in cereal! -

\- Phil, you literally have the same bloody cereal! - Dan turned around to look at Phil, a bit pissed off that, once again, he'd need to search for something else to eat as breakfast.

\- Well, why don't you eat my cereal then? What's the big deal? - Phil muttered, shrugging.

\- Because I want MY cereal. - Dan was getting even more grumpy.

He was always grumpy in the mornings and when someone messed with his food, oh my, he got even more out of control. He was like an angry bear whose honey had been stolen.

Sighing, Phil grabbed and offered Dan his own cereal box, only half eaten. - You literally just said I have the same cereal so now mine is yours. There, now enjoy breakfast… -

\- I. Don't. Fucking. Want. It, - Dan growled through his teeth.

\- Then make toast or something! - Phil shook his head. - Honestly, Dan, there are only so many options! -

\- Oh, really? You fucking know that I eat cereal for breakfast! Just like you! If only you could keep your dirty hands away from MY cereal! You seriously act like such a child! I've told you not to eat mine so many times but no, of course, no, you still keep doing it, wanting to piss me off every morning! - Dan was so pissed off that he didn't even care anymore.

Phil was trying his hardest not to get mad, frowning. - You can't be serious. You're the one acting like a child right now, we have the same cereal and it's not difficult to just accept you'll have to take some of mine this morning! -

\- I am not you, who eats other people food! - Dan growled, searching for coffee to drink.

Phil just stood there for a moment, watching Dan find his mug and look for the coffee container, before he took a deep breathe, not really wanting to fight.

\- Dan, look, I'm sorry, it's just one of my habits. I know you might have had a bad night or whatever but just have my cereal for now and we can go buy more later I guess. -

Dan didn't even answer, waiting for his coffee.

After waiting a moment, Phil stepped forwards. - Dan? Are you really ignoring me right now? -

Dan didn't answer, taking a sip from his hot coffee, cursing under his breath at how burning hot it was.

Phil sighed deeply. - Dan, seriously? Come on, you're better than this… -

\- Mhm. - Dan put his cup of coffee back down.

\- Alright, fine, be grumpy. I'll go and watch today's anime on my own then! - Phil folded his arms, annoyed.

\- Of course, ruin other people's mornings and then go enjoy yourself. You couldn't even leave some coffee for me to drink even though I always make one for you, - Dan grumbled under his breath.

Phil narrowed his eyes, his patience wearing thin. - I woke up an hour ago, Dan, because I was editing our video for you. If I'd made coffee, it would have gone cold by now! Why don't you just wake up earlier, like everyone else? -

\- Oh and now I need to wake up earlier? Of course, then you wouldn't have to make any breakfast yourself because you know that I always make one for you too! Of course. -

There was a moment of silence before Phil exhaled loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose before looking back at Dan. - What do you expect me to do, shower you with gratitude every few minutes? I appreciate that you make breakfast for me but there'd have been no point in me making it so long ago! -

\- Has it ever been a problem to me? No! Even if I wake up several hours before you, I still make you a warm breakfast! - Dan turned around to face Phil.

Exasperated, Phil threw his hands up in the air. - Okay, so you're better at making breakfast! Big deal! Why are you trying to make me look bad? -

\- I'm not trying to make you look bad! I am just so done with you always eating my cereal! - Dan crossed his arms over his chest, his face like stone, without any emotions.

Without thinking, Phil mirrored his stance, crossing his own arms too. He paused briefly before gritting his teeth. - I can't help it! Can't you just accept that one thing instead of trying to control everything? -

\- Control? I am not controlling you! - Dan clenched his jaw.

Phil scoffed. - Yeah, sure. You want me to eat specific cereal, make you breakfast, never watch stuff without you, have coffee ready for you… and you want to tell me that's not controlling? -

\- I am not fucking controlling you! - Dan raised his tone a bit.

\- Then stop shouting and eat my cereal for once! - Phil tried not to shout but his voice was louder than usual, he couldn't stop it.

\- Stop shouting at me! - Dan let his arms fall to his sides.

If Phil hadn't been so annoyed, he might have felt bad. Instead of apologising like he usually might have, he just scowls. - Stop accusing me of things then! This isn't secondary school, you can't just get away with that! -

\- Then don't act like you're in one and stop shouting at me like a damn teenager! - Dan's voice was quiet.

Phil's fingers curled into fists. - Yeah, because you'd know all about shouting at people you're in a relationship with, wouldn't you? -

\- Well, it looks like you do! - Dan spat back but still kept his tone steady and quiet.

Phil only shook his head, trying to calm down but slowly getting more and more frustrated. - Yeah, no. I actually cared about people instead of trying to control them! -

He felt slightly bad for saying it but it had been said, couldn't be taken back, and he'd been carried away by anger so he just stuck with it, folding his arms once again.

\- Oh, really? Then why did they all leave you? Were there even any before me that you actually dated or are you just making that up to make me look all bad? - Dan asked, masking his hurt.

For some reason, despite normally being able to tell when Dan was hurt, Phil missed the fact that Dan was putting on a brave mask and just stepped back, shaking his head scornfully. - What, you don't think anyone else would be attracted to me? You're not the only one that can make coffee, Dan. -

\- Oh really, then go ahead and tell me about them all. If they even really exist. - Dan's voice was dying, it had become hard to even open his mouth to get sound out.

\- Fine! I'll write you a stupid list of everyone who didn't mind my love for cereal! And you can tell me about everyone else who made you breakfast or whatever in return! - Phil tried to shout but it came out softer, a small lump of regret in his throat, knowing that they don't like talking about who came before them, but wanting to prove this point and end their argument.

\- Fine. - Dan simply spat out before walking out of the kitchen, slamming his bedroom door shut.

Wincing at the sound, Phil grabbed the notepad they had lying around the kitchen and walked back to the living room, looking for a pen to write with.

After an hour or perhaps a bit longer, Dan came to the living room, carrying a notepad with him, to see if Phil had finished his list.

Phil looked up, his pen in his mouth. He cleared his throat and gestured for Dan to sit down somewhere. - I, uh, have most people down, I think. I might have missed some though… Are you done? - he tried to keep his voice steady.

\- Yeah… - Dan took a deep breath. - So, let's start. Show me everyone who was not a control freak like I am. - Dan stretched out his hand, pushing his own notepad under his thigh with his free hand.

Phil raised his eyebrows. - Aren't we exchanging them at the same time? Isn't that so much easier? -

\- Nope, let's just see yours first so you can tell me more straight away and then we can do the same with mine. - Dan was back to his poker state, not showing any emotions through his body.

Still frowning, Phil bit his lip but nodded slowly, handing Dan his notepad. He looked at the floor as he started to talk, explaining about his first girlfriend, the boy he'd shared a dorm with and everyone the few others he'd dated before he'd met Dan.

\- So many… - Dan mumbled under his breath, his breath then hitching.

Dan put Phil's notepad down, his hand trembling a lot.

Phil still didn't look at him, shrugging. - Yeah, I guess. But I don't even know most of them anymore so… Anyway, let's see your list now? -

Dan couldn't even speak anymore, a big lump in his throat. He just put down his notepad in front of Phil before walking out of the flat to get some of the fresh air he so needed right in that moment.

Surprised, Phil let him leave, not wanting to upset him, wondering why he'd left so suddenly. Then he looked at the notepad Dan had left behind and his eyes widened when he saw what was written on it.

A single name.

Just Phil's name.

And, no matter how many pages he looked through, there was only his name and nothing else.

Dropping the notebook, Phil swore to himself and immediately ran after Dan, grabbing keys before shutting the door behind him and looking for where Dan could have gone.

He found Dan leaning against a tree in the park right next to their apartment building, trying to breathe without shaking, tears streaming down his cheeks.

\- Dan! Hey, please don't run again! - Phil took a moment to catch his breath before stepping closer to Dan, not too close but close enough to lower his voice a little. - You only wrote my name…? -

\- Yeah, go ahead and laugh in my face because I have no experience at all! Go on, you can put one more virgin name on your list. - Dan spat, angrily wiping away his tears, stepping even further away from Phil.

Phil shook his head, staying still so as not to come across as rude. - Dan, please don't say that, I'm not proud of my list and you're more than just a part of it. And I don't care at all if you haven't had experience! -

\- Phil, just leave me alone, okay? I am really not in the mood for this right now. Just go home. - Dan's back was facing Phil, his hands still trembling.

Watching Dan for a minute, Phil shook his head for what he thought must have been the twentieth time that day. - How can I, when my home is standing right here, with his back to me? -

\- Don't. Just don't, - Dan warned, close to breaking down again. - Can't you just leave me alone for a bit? Is that too much to ask? -

\- You know what? It is. It's way too much to ask because I know you won't come back until late, and it's not safe for you to stay out so long. Please, Dan, you don't have to talk to me, but just come back to the flat? - Phil knew he sounded desperate but he didn't care, he couldn't stand seeing Dan like this.

Dan knew that Phil wouldn't let him stay outside alone so he just walked back to their flat, locking himself into his bedroom.

Phil sighed but just sat outside Dan's room. - Dan, I know you're listening. You don't have to say anything but I just want you to know that I really don't care who you have or haven't been with, I'm happy with you being you… -

Dan just turned up his volume so he wouldn't be able to hear Phil or anything else apart from the music playing.

Tears appeared in Phil's eyes but he ignored them, staying sat down, letting his head fall back against the wall and listening to the music, unsure of what exactly to do to get Dan to listen to him.

Suddenly, a note was slid under the door to Phil. When Phil picked it up, he saw that Dan had written a letter, a couple of tear marks staining the paper.

 _I am sorry._

 _Not the best way to start this but, before I say anything, I need to say that I am so damn sorry._

 _I am sorry that I am such a bad boyfriend._

 _I am sorry that I have no idea how I need to act in relationships._

 _I am sorry._

 _I am so damn sorry, Phil._

 _And that's why I am letting you go._

 _I am sure that, in no time, you will find someone better, someone who won't be mentally unstable and someone who won't control you or shout at you._

 _I'm sorry for all the pain I have caused you in these past years._

 _I am sorry that I forced you to be with me all this time while you could have been with someone so much better._

 _I am so damn sorry for everything._

 _I am sorry._

The last words was hard to read because of how shakily they were written, meaning that Dan's hand was shaking terribly, tear stains making the tint fade a little.

As soon as he'd read the words, thanking the universe for making him a quick reader, he jumped up and ran back to the kitchen, grabbing the set of spare room keys they keep in case of emergencies.

Fearing the worst, he stumbled into the room, glancing around and sighing loudly when he saw Dan curled on the floor next to the door, crying.

Kneeling next to him, Phil wrapped his arms around Dan and pulled him close. - You scared the life out of me… Please don't do that again, I don't want to lose you. Dan, you're so special and you haven't forced me to be with you, I chose you and I'll always choose you, even though you sometimes say stupid stuff like this. - he said, laughing and crying a little at the same time.

\- I am the worst boyfriend ever. Like you said, I am controlling and… - Dan took couple deep breath just because he still wasn't able to speak properly. - And you deserve someone so much better. Someone who is healthy and good in bed, who will actually know all the stuff and won't need you to teach them to even use a condom or how to prepare each other. Someone who won't control you, who won't shout at you because of your cereal eating thing. Someone who isn't me. - Dan scooted away from Phil, well, at least, he tried, his body failing miserably at that.

Not that Phil would have let him even if he'd have been able to. Phil had been shaking his head the entire time and, once Dan stopped talking, he shifted so they were sat opposite each other, placing his hands on Dan's shoulders and looking into his eyes.

\- For someone who's so smart, you're saying really stupid things. You're the best boyfriend ever because you're the only one who's you. I don't care that I have to teach you things because then I get to see you blush, and there's nothing cuter than that. I don't need someone healthy, I need someone who knows how to play Mario Kart with me and someone who knows how to hide sweets from me so I don't eat them… - Phil's voice was quiet but smooth, he was trying his best not to just cry. - And, excuse me, I think we both know we've gotten the hang of preparing each other by now, even the neighbours would agree. You're more than enough, Dan, stop thinking otherwise. -

Hot tears were slipping down his cheeks, into Phil's hands. His lips were shaking.

Phil waited until Dan offered him a small, hesitant smile before pulling him close again, sliding his arms around Dan's waist.

Dan moved a little, setting himself into Phil's lap, his hands clenching around Phil, sure to leave some marks, hiding his face against Phil's neck, sucking a big and bright love bite so that everyone would see that Phil is his and he is Phil's.

Phil shivered slightly, his grip on Dan tightening, before he gently nudged Dan's head with his own. - Dan, I really do mean it, you're the only boyfriend I ever need in life and I'm so, so sorry we argued, I didn't want to- -

\- Shhh. - Dan pecked his lips against Phil's, so softly that it felt like they'd never touched him, to make him stop speaking. - It was my fault. I shouldn't have been so grumpy. Bad night, day, whatever is not an excuse for that. I'm sorry. -

Now it was Phil's turn to gently press his lips to Dan's, smiling a little, pulling back before either of them can deepen the kiss. - It's okay, you don't need to be sorry. I'm sorry for eating your cereal though, I'll try not to keep doing it, I pryimisw! -

To anyone who wasn't Dan or Phil, that might have sounded like absolute gibberish but Phil sometimes had this odd habit of squashing words together and making a new, ridiculous ones out of them.

And the fact that Dan could understand these weird mutant words so well made Phil love him even more because no ex of his had ever understand them, not even getting close to talking about thinking that it's cute, like Dan does.

\- That's why I always buy one extra pack, it's cute… - Dan murmured, leaning closer to Phil's lips, trying to catch them in a kiss, not being able to really stay away from Phil, not even talking about his kisses.

Dan was crazy to think that he could get rid of Phil, his whole body and soul wouldn't let him.

Phil grinned happily at Dan, shifting again so they were even closer, which shouldn't have been possible but they managed, and kissing his forehead. - I think you're cute too. -

\- Can you kiss me already? - Dan sighed, tightening his grip on Phil even more, not really registering that, right now, there would be not just light marks but full on bruises for sure.

\- Only if you say the magic word… - Phil drawled, winking at Dan with a mischievous spark in his eyes.

\- Fuck me? - Dan licked his lips with something like a smile starting to appear on his chewed lips.

Having expected a lot but not that, Phil choked a little but just accepts it, turning them to the side a little so he could kiss Dan without banging their heads on the wall and giving Dan a concussion.

Dan softened into the kiss, melting away fully, all the trembling gone. He let go off Phil with one of his hands just to slide it into Phil's hair.

No matter how much Dan wanted to keep kissing Phil, he had to pull away, pressing their foreheads together, trying to catch his breath.

\- Now you know why I hate talking about exes so much… - Dan whispered, almost without sound, sucking in a sharp breath, still having trouble breathing.

Gasping a little himself, Phil nodded slowly, opening his eyes to look into Dan's. - Yeah, yeah, I get it now. And, never fear, I might be old but I will not forget it… so can we get back to kissing now? -

\- You're not old… - Dan mumbled before pulling Phil's hair a bit to guide him into a kiss even though he needed to then pull back right away because he just didn't have enough air in his lungs.

Phil chuckled but it sounded weird because he couldn't breathe properly. He just took Dan's hand, stood up, and pulled them both to the bed, the two of them immediately collapsing since they didn't have any energy left.

\- I'm so old, Dan, and you're so small and cute… - Phil smiled, poking Dan's cheek where his dimple usually came out.

\- You are not old. - Dan mumbled, his eyes closed. He would have smiled when Phil poked his cheek but he just didn't have any energy to do it.

Dan looked so exhausted, simply lying there, no strength left to even clutch onto Phil properly, his breathing still too uneven.

A frown bloomed on Phil's face as he looked over Dan, worried for him. He gently lifted Dan so he could pull the duvet out from under him, then tucked Dan into it so he could fall asleep more easily.

\- Don't dare to leave me or I swear that I will chop your dick off… - Dan mumbled without really making a real sound come out of his mouth, trying to move closer to Phil, finally gripping Phil's wrist a bit too harshly.

Phil winced but didn't say anything, knowing it wouldn't be as bad as the bruise on his neck that they could laugh about tomorrow.

He grinned and slid under the duvet beside Dan, pulling him close, brushing his curls back and planting a soft kiss on his forehead. - I'm never leaving you, ever. And not just because I want to keep my genitals, - he murmured softly, his voice like velvet.

\- Doop… - Dan breathed out, losing his grip on Phil, nugging his face close to Phil's neck, finally being able to steady his breathing a bit, already half asleep.

\- Coop, - Phil replied instantly, - So many coops for you! -

Dan sighed softly before drifting fully into sleep.

Phil smiled softly down at him. - I'll make sure you get all the coops in the world, Dan… - he wasn't even sure what he was saying, half asleep himself, but he curled up next to Dan and closed his eyes, content.

He jolted awake three minutes later, remembered to take his glasses off, then fell back into a comfortable sleep, the two of them happier than they'd been for a while, and all because of cereal and exes…


End file.
